Satire: Mr. Caruso caught red-handed as Batman 


Matthew Zandi and Evan Cutler

Dean of Students, Mr. Caruso, shocks students with his recent reveal of his true identity of Batman.

Evan Cutler and Matthew Zandi

The secret is out! The rumor is spreading like wildfire. Mr. Caruso, the Dean of Students, is Batman. The rumor began when students realized that he has been showing up late, and even missing some days. When he is here, there are obvious signs of exhaustion. He has been walking around dizzy, hair all over the place, and with bags under his eyes. The only solution to these concerns is that he is Batman. Why else would this happen? He stays awake all night, bringing vengeance to the town of Bellefonte. 

“When he called me into his office, I walked in and he almost fell over. At first, we thought that he might be seriously ill. But it is way more than that,” junior John Robertson said. 

There have also been random bat sightings throughout the school. This all started about three weeks ago.

“When I went to change for gym class, I opened my locker and a bat flew out,” student Mike Floorboard said. 

Mr. Caruso’s office has been very suspicious. Lately, he has added locks onto almost everything in it. The door, his drawers, even the outlets in the wall. The biggest rumor is that he was caught stuffing something into a drawer in his office. Students believe that he was shoving his bat suit into it. 

“He was obviously flustered. He stuffed something in his drawer, and it went fast. If you blinked you would have missed it. On my way out, I saw a button connected to his desk,”student Dan Peters said.  

The student body gave their theory. The button is a secret gate. His bat cave is hidden under the school. The button opens the entrance, which can only be accessed in his office, which is locked at all times. But why is he Batman?

The biggest issue over the past few months in the school has been vandalism in the bathrooms. So that explains it. Someone needed to find vengeance for the vandalism that occurred. He decided that no one else was doing anything, so he solved the problem himself. The closing of the bathrooms allowed him to investigate. 

Mr. Caruso has not given an official statement on the matter. He has been bombarded with emails about the Batman accusation. Conversations have been overhead of him panicking over this issue. But, there has been no evidence backing it up. This saga has only just begun, and the next step will come soon.