Satire: Kanye West and Pete Davidson: From enemies to lovers


Kanye West and Pete Davidson were married in a touching ceremony last weekend, their agents confirmed over Twitter. The ceremony was held on the morning of March 19 on the cold, rocky shore of Ocean City, New Jersey. 

The union was officiated by Beyoncé, who afterwards sang along to an orchestral reimagining of her song “Single Ladies” as the couple walked down the aisle together. 

Other members of the wedding party included Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as Kanye’s best man, Jojo Siwa as Pete’s best woman, Danny Devito as flower girl, and newest power couple Lady Gaga and Ted Cruz as ring bearers.

Also in attendance were the entirety of the SNL cast, every resident of New Jersey, MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell, and Queen Elizabeth II.  

Following the ceremony, Kanye and Pete shared their first dance as husband and husband to Sheck Wes’ “Mo Bomba.” Guests described it as a touching first moment to a relationship that they hope will last a lifetime.

Students at BAHS were shocked to hear of the marriage when they opened their phones on Monday and found the news all over Twitter. 

“I’m a fan of both Pete and Kanye, and I’m happy for them. They’ve certainly resolved their differences. And finally, I can stop worrying about the threat of a civil war splitting the country between the Petes and the Kanyes. No more picking sides,” remarked BAHS junior Ruby Bjalme. 

Others were not as supportive of the union. 

“I’m so disappointed that I won’t get my chance with Pete. I love him because he looks like an opossum on the verge of death mixed with Eminem,” remarked one student, who would like to remain anonymous. 

Kim Kardashian, who was notably not invited and whom Pete supposedly left for Kayne, along with Taylor Swift, Kanye’s most bitter rival, have yet to comment. 

Congratulations to the happy couple.