Satire: Director quits Mary Poppins production; claims musical is cursed


Olivia Aberegg

Mr. Brinser, just moments before he declared the production was canceled.

With the recent stresses incoming due to the spring musical, Mary Poppins, Mr. Eric Brinser, production Director, has announced that the entire production has been scrapped and there will no longer be a Drama Department at Bellefonte Area High School.

“I just can’t do it anymore,” he said while shaking his head and storming out of rehearsal. “I feel as though the thespian gods are shunning me and telling me to never, ever, do this show again, it’s cursed! Cursed I tell you!” 

When the first attempt at the show was shut down due to COVID-19, many students claimed that the show was cursed. Mr. Brinser started to feel the wrath of the curse after unusual events around the set began to go haywire. The main curtain was even being opened and closed without anyone standing near it. Even Bertha, the infamous large set piece, was often seen moving by itself and mysterious noises from the soundbooth started occurring during rehearsals. 

“I am so scared of the dark and the lights keep shutting off randomly in rehearsal. I was freaking out,” senior Noah Aberegg cried as he ran around the pitch black theatre.

After the show was canceled, students decided to take to the set to relieve some stress.

“They charged the building with their chainsaws and sledge hammers,” Vice Principal Stephen Caruso said while speaking to the local news station. “It was a terrifying thing to see on the cameras when I came in this morning; especially in such high quality.” 

It was then reported that the group of students took their destructive tools of choice and obliterated the set pieces. Resource Officer Mike Lyons added that there was mass destruction to various set pieces around the stage. 

The stress did not just stop with the demolishing of the set. The stage managers of the production, Abby Weiser, Lizz Cogan, and Sophie Rosemas, were devastated by the end of an era. They were faced with the pressure of having to clean up the aftermath of the situation. 

“This is absolutely ruining my senior year! I can’t finish my portfolio for college now and I have free-time after school, what am I going to do with myself,” Abby sobbed to her assistant stage managers.

With this, Mr. Brinser has been losing lots of sleep, only averaging an hour per night. With that, he decided to turn the props loft in the workshop into a comfortable place to sleep. He says that he plans to take many naps during his free periods. Additionally, the costume closet, affectionately referred to as “Narnia” to many drama students, has been revamped into a new home for Mr. Brinser’s vast tie collection. All props and costumes have been pawned off to Penns Valley High School. 

His daily slumbers in the workshop even became noticed by the students.

“Every time I come into my theater production class, I see him snoring away in the renovated loft with his blankie and squishmallow badger,” Sophie said.

The seniors involved in the show were also disappointed in the fact that the entire production was scrapped and even attempted to run the production themselves.

“I wish there was a way that Mr. Rebarchak could have taken over,” Cecilia Stanton said, as she swung her sledgehammer at the staircase, a part of a set piece. “It’s a shame that he’s too busy getting rich with the rock band.”