We are the Love Doctors of Bellefonte High. We’ve received numerous questions from the student body on how to handle their latest love issues. We hope you find these useful, yet satirical, responses helpful.
I waited until the last minute to ask someone to be my Valentine and they said “no.” What should I do?
You should wait about ten minutes then go back and ask again. If you keep asking every ten minutes they have to say yes eventually. You could even bribe them with money. If they say no, slide them a 20 and see if they change their mind.
What should I do if my partner is not into Valentine’s Day, but I am?
Go overboard and buy your partner lots of chocolates and flowers the day before Valentine’s Day, then wake them up extra early the next morning to pink and white confetti with a big plate of chocolate. Once they are up and eating the chocolate, go get the bright pink heart outfit that you found on sale at Walmart and give it to him to wear to work that day.
I’m dating someone, but it’s Valentine’s Day now and they still haven’t asked me to be their Valentine. What should I do?
Break up with them on their birthday for payback for how you felt on this romantic holiday. After you break up with them make sure to always give them mean glares in the hallways at school so that they know that you’re still mad at them. After a good amount of time doing this, confront your partner and ask them why they haven’t apologized yet.
My boyfriend told me he doesn’t want to do the whole Valentine’s Day special. Does this mean he is going to break up with me?
Yes, he is probably going to break up with you on Valentine’s Day because he’s too cheap to buy gifts. So you need to dump him before he can dump you. But before you dump him make sure to still get your partner a really nice gift so that they feel guilty that they didn’t get you anything. After this, act really sad then dump them because at this point the relationship is too far gone.
