Horoscopes come far and wide every moment, and the Red & White staff has made some satirical horoscopes for your holiday break!

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

– You’ve been eager to decorate for Christmas ever since Halloween.

– The only thing that’s stopped you is being seen as weird for your lights in November.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
– Take after the Grinch and steal Christmas!

– What’s more fun than some holiday mischief?

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

– Ever since November 1, you’ve probably been blasting Christmas music…have you been on the aux?

– Seriously, it’s alright to stop “All I Want For Christmas Is You” sometimes.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
– You’re more likely to discover yourself under a mistletoe.

– However, nobody else would be there with you 🙁

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
– You will be the star on the Christmas tree.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
– You may have overspent on Black Friday items.

– Maybe you’ll skip on Secret Santa this year…

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
– You’ll receive a recruitment letter from Santa’s elves to help the jolly man at the North Pole!!

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
– You will steal Rudolf this Christmas.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
– The Ghosts of Christmas will visit you.

– Make sure you’re on your best behavior!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

– Your zodiac is the closest to Christmas! 

– You’ll marry Santa Claus 🙂

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
– You like December, but not just for Christmas.

– You have your priorities straight: waiting for your Spotify Wrapped to be released every year.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

– You’ve hosted most, if not all, the holiday parties this year.